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Ever flown a long distance on a jet, with babies crying, horrible food and the fat bloke next to you asleep with his head on your shoulder? Well, imagine traveling the distance from Mondas to Earth with a crew of bored Cybermen. That’s forty million light years! How long is the in-flight entertainment going to keep you amused, especially when the Cyber-Larvae in the row behind you have managed to break the handset for the Playstation and are now kicking the back of your seat?
As a result, when these lads finally arrive, all it needs are the words; “Have you tried this year’s Pinot Noir?” and you can forget the invasion. Of the original invasion army, I believe we only have about five left with functioning livers. The remainder work around the island in various wineries and vineyards.
Admittedly, not all aliens are as susceptible to fine wines as Cybermen. But they all have a weak spot somewhere. Silurians love macramé. When a shipload of them arrived here in the ‘70’s we had them sitting down and choosing designs within minutes.
Sontarans were easy to manage too. All that black leather was a dead giveaway. We sent them over to a couple of new houses in Church Bay and asked their advice on soft furnishings. Bingo. That was ten years ago and they are still there, rearranging the furniture and shrieking about fabric design.
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