 This picture requires no explanation, nor can one be given.
As it turned out, she much preferred the sanctuary to her own home. In fear that someone might discover the truth (that she was not mongoose at all) and send her back to her human family, Hannah became very good at mongoose impressions. It is this which Hannah describes as “the beginnings of my acting career.”
But good things never last and despite Hannah’s exceptional impersonations of mongeese, the other animals at the sanctuary exposed Blumhardt to an undue amount of ostracisation and disdain until she finally departed at the age of fifteen, to seek somewhere where she could truly “fit in”.
This, however, was to be easier said than done. Unfortunately for Hannah, the fact that she had concentrated so hard for so long to be mongoose-like, meant that in the process she had managed to grow a fine coat of rather lush feathers. This hindered her desire to “fit in” somewhat, and caused her to be generally labeled a “weirdo”.
On the upside though, she had left the sanctuary early enough to halt the complete growth of a beak, and in this department she was left with little more than a particularly large nose.
Despite her peculiarities, Hannah was determined to nurture her evident talent as an actor, but was unwilling to succumb to the precociousness of Drama school. In a wild compromise she chose to join “Smiley’s Travelling Circus” which coincidently allowed her to preserve the nomadic lifestyle she had steadily grown to love. In the years that followed she became a feature act in a series or spectacularly popular stage shows performed by feathered fluffy people with identity crises (aptly named ‘Sesame Cake Street’). During this time she formed a lifelong bond with T-Rex, a confused young man who had been raised by emus.
In 1915, Hannah and T-Rex left the circus together to create a quaint business selling jewellery and scarves to people with long necks. The business was a total failure. Demand for the products was so small that in 2001, after only six months, ‘Ricky’s Bits and Bob’s for Long-Necked Chaps’ was driven to complete bankruptcy.*
Realising that the nomadic lifestyle was the only one suited to them, Hannah and T-Rex endeavoured to find another group to share their homeless tendencies with. It just so happened that in a field full of cats that were highly misruley, they came across Alan Knight and Kate Loughmane, who suggested that given Hannah’s background in acting and T-Rex’s peculiar nature, both were ideal candidates to become Rogues and Vagabonds.
And so it was that Hannah Blumhardt joined Rogues and Vagabonds Wandering Players. T-Rex, of course, does not exist and is merely a figment of Hannah’s imagination; a substitute friend if you will, because she was much too odd to have any real ones. He was included in this biography because Hannah spent so long imagining him that whether he exists or not is immaterial. The End
*The fact that the business survived six months at all was amazing and largely accredited to T-Rex’s initial astounding ability to trick people into thinking that their necks were indeed one metre long.
"Thank you, researching and writing this biography was awful. Hannah Blumhardt and her life are truly insufferable. I am now going to return to my swamp where my lumpfish wife has made my mud pudding for me."
Sir Slimy Slimeface
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