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An unexpected Viking attack shattered the peace of Anzac Bay early this morning. Local resident Graham Duncan raised the alarm at 6am after being woken by the unmistakeable sound of three longboats rowing quietly down the bay, led by the notorious Erik the Anachronistic. “At first I thought it was just a student prank but I realised they had only one keg of beer and knew how to spell, so they can’t have been from the university” Graham said. Pillage and general mayhem was prevented by the heroic actions of the Ostend Country Women’s Institute, who called an Extraordinary Meeting before leaping into battle on the Putiki mudflats, fearsomely armed with handbags, rock-hard scones and looks of withering scorn. Erik and his crew were soundly defeated and retired to the RSA where they spent the next four days telling fibs about how they won the Battle of Ostend. Being unfit to set sail, they then caught a taxi back to Norway. A whip-round for the taxifare was organised by RSA president Warren Redshaw who felt that he could no longer stand the smell of sweaty Norsemen in badly cured wolf-skin cloaks. The Ostend Country Women’s Institute, revelling in their success, have been insufferable ever since.•
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