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"The other team is called the Rude Mechanicals. I don’t know why, they show no real mechanical aptitude but they are certainly rather rude. They’re six very silly minimum wage earners that we rounded up randomly from local shops and businesses."
"He’s cool! He’s wearing lots of mascara! He listens to Joy Division and has probably painted his bedroom black! Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Oberon, king of the fairies!"
"If they fail, they’ll meet the fate I’m sure we all wish upon practioners of am dram...they’ll be thrown into the snake pit."
"I think we need to throw our young lovers a bit of a surprise or this will turn out to be the most boring reality TV show ever. What do you think?
Invasion by monsters? Flesh-eating bees? Bubonic plague? That’d certainly liven things up."
 "I’ve been working on a completely gratuitous musical number that does not appear anywhere in the script. Quince says no, but I’m bigger than him and a lot more belligerent."
"I am the very model
of a modern rude mechanical
My IQ is quite equal
to your average root vegetable
I can sing and play the gee-tar
and some say I’m quite fanatical
And my skill at rhyming couplets
is really quite chimerical."
"I think that young Puck has got to be the most incompetent fairy ever. Come here, you ratbag."
"I bump into trees, I drink my beer
I belch and loudly fart
I wear white brewer’s gumboots
And I do it all for art
Ohhhhh.....I’m an amateur and I’m OK
I strut all night and rehearse all day."
"For shame, Snug, blatant product placement is not what Shakespeare is all about." "We have two young couples, we were going to make Demetrius fall in love with Helena, who fancies him rotten, but the wrong boy got the love potion. We’ve sent Puck off to slip the love potion to Demetrius. Then there was another technical glitch, Oberon got dosed with the potion, now he’s getting all undignified over Bottom ."
"Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream
Bring me the cutest ass that you’ve ever seen
A nice long tail would not be shonky
And two big hairy ears just like a donkey."
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