Alan Knight Introducing The White Knight, a superhero for our time. Half brewer, half scenery chewer, and equipped with plastic sword and own gumboots (not recommended for children under 12).
Jobs: Actor, Director, Writer and brewer of the beer for cast parties. Past and current roles: Bottom. (A Midsummer Night's Dream)
Heslop, Todd etc (The Fifteenth Minute, Maidment Theatre production) Benedick (Much Ado About Nothing) Drunk Bloke (The Tempest) Bert The Rooster (Oneroa Town Musicians) Antonio (Twelfth Night) Colin Pothole (Jack & The Genetically Modified Beanstalk) Archibald Grosvenor (Patience) Prince of Darkness (Miraculess Fairy Tale) Major General Stanley (Pirates Of Penzance)
Factoids:
Loudest member of the team by far. Arrogant, beer sodden, beastly, opinionated and rude, therefore ideally suited to a life in theatre. Believes he was once Manager of Artworks Theatre, though nobody else seems to remember this so he can’t have been. Once achieved the extraordinary feat of being killed onstage three times in a single play. (The group were short on actors at the time)
Biography: ‘Brilliant!’, ‘Dazzling’, ‘A theatrical genius!’ are all words that have been used to describe actors such as Kenneth Branagh, Alan Rickman and even William Shatner*. Alan Knight on the other hand is still waiting for reviews such as these. For now he still has to settle for ‘Adequate’, ‘Fat’ and ‘Way too loud’. Alan was born a great many years ago in a far off land.* He was enrolled at an early age at Miss Mavis Teacake’s Music & Drama School for Young Ladies & Gentlemen. His role as ‘Mad Patrick McFilth, the psychopathic, entrail eating Verger of St Botolph’s’ in the school’s Christmas production of Babes In the Wood instilled in him his love of Grand-Guignol nastiness. And got him expelled. Moving through a succession of ‘Special’ schools, all with high gates and impressively large padlocks, Alan maintained his love of theatre. However, his deeply misathropic nature and his need to cause suffering to others led him naturally into the world of folk music and finally Morris Dancing. The events surrounding the ‘spot of unpleasantness’ at the 1987 Cerne Abbas Folk Festival remain a mystery. Many of the official reports concerning the dreadful end to what was supposed to have been a pleasant Bank Holiday weekend remain classified. However, a grainy video of the aftermath appears to show a paramedic saying; “We got the stick out, but I think some of the bells are still up there” as a casualty is loaded into a waiting ambulance. It came as no surprise therefore that Alan left his native land in something of a hurry the following day. For the next few years he roamed the world, his in depth knowledge of revolutionary dialectic, small weapons training and explosives landing him roles in such notable productions as The Shining Path's touring production of 'Waiting For Godot' through a number of war torn South American countries, ("¡dios del oh! ¡No puedo sentirme las piernas!" Tierra Del Fuego Daily Examiner) and the famous Baader-Meinhoff production of 'A Streetcar Named Desire, ("Gut Sie bastard, schreibe ich Ihnen einen guten Bericht! Bitte jetzt zurückschicken den Rest meiner Tochter!" Baden Wurttenburg Zeitung). Why such a ruthless and demented person should have applied to live in New Zealand, or indeed why that country’s immigration officials should have permitted it, remains a mystery. However, in 1993 Alan entered the country posing as a brewer and has remained here ever since. In 2002 he met up with Kate Loughmane and the pair have since collaborated on projects too numerous (or too beastly) to mention. Age, experience, and Single Malt Scotch have mellowed this most dangerous of actors, and it has been years since any of his productions have resulted in serious fatalities. He hopes to leave his body to medical research. The rest of Rogues & Vagabonds hope to help him do this as soon as possible. * OK, maybe not William Shatner. * Oh all right, Britain, 1960. But don’t you think the ‘Far Off Land’ thing has a better ring to it? |
