 Cyril announces his intentions at a hastily called press conference
Do you "cyber"? Apparently not, if you happen to be Dalek Snowdon. A week is a long time in politics as somebody once remarked. For one hapless Cyberman even half an hour can seem like an eternity if you’ve just made a steel plated tit of yourself in public. Veteran Cybermen community leader X/7896-*47, (Or ‘Cyril’ as he likes to be known) is in hiding today following the catastrophic embarrassment of yesterdays press conference that saw him announce a political alliance only to have his hopes dashed within the hour. No one is entirely sure what prompted Cyril to call a press conference and plunge straight into a long and rambling speech describing the formation of a new ‘Family Values’ based party in alliance with Auckland Mayoral contender Dalek Snowdon. “I shall be Co-Leader with Snowdon.” He stated, “We shall be unstoppable and everyone will want to vote for us and we shall wear special hats and people who are nice to us and upgrade can have a special hat too and a little scooter too if they want one with ice cream and maybe a trombone too.”
There was quite a bit more in much the same vein, but much of it was unintelligible as Cyril had wandered off the podium during his statement and at one point had to be led back into the room by assistants.
“Just a lot of Cyber-Hot Air” seemed to be the consensus from journalists who had managed to stay awake during the speech. “I’ve listened to a lot of waffle from this idiot over the years,” said one, “And this is no different. Every time we have an election there has to be some sad act from the Cyberman community doing the whole ‘Cyber-Values’ bit. It’s always about how everyone has to ‘Upgrade’. But have you noticed how he’s toned all that stuff down this time? The word ‘Vista’ never even got a mention as far as I can tell. But come Election Day they never get so much as a single vote.”
And what of the other half of this ‘New Party’? Was Dalek Snowdon really about to dilute his message and team up with the ‘Cyber Crowd’? We didn’t have long to wait to find out. Just half an hour later Dalek Snowdon’s press office had issued a statement pouring cold water on any talk of alliances.
“Daleks have no concept of ‘Alliances’” read the statement. ”Alliances involve stuff like getting along with people and being in the same room for ages without exterminating each other. How much fun is that? This is the first we have heard about this so called ‘New Party’. Frankly, Cyril is what we refer to on Skaro as a ‘Qvaaarkar’. The closest translation I can think of is ‘Big Girl’s Blouse’, though that doesn’t really do the insult justice. He and his sad crowd of tin plated losers try and pull this stuff every time Daleks get going with something interesting. But all they ever go on about is ‘Upgrade this’ and ‘Upgrade that’, I mean change the record guys! After all, what are they suggesting we upgrade to? Bloody VISTA is what. So then everything grinds to a halt. Forget it.”
Cyril was unavailable for comment.
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