 Waiheke islanders were today unpleasantly surprised by the shock news that the main street of Oneroa was to be closed for "improvement" for a period of 14 weeks, starting Monday.
The news however, came as no surprise to Mayoral candidate Dalek Snowdon, who spoke to a group of assembled reporters, furious commuters and representatives of the village's business community at a hastily arranged press conference today.
"Think of it as my little gift to the people of my community" he said coyly, carefully dodging various well-aimed projectiles.
"The council themselves didn't have the budget to do this overhaul, so I kindly donated the services of one of my many contracting companies.
"Commuters are under too much stress already, so forcing them to drive at snail's pace to the ferry around a picturesque little warren of side streets will do them the world of good.
"And local retailers are working far too hard. Closing the roads in and out of the village over the busiest part of the season will give them a well earned break from the hassles of dealing with customers, running the cash registers, etc."
Commuter's group representive Imelda Facsrolle said, "This is a disgrace.
"We don't want to be forced to drive to the back streets of Blackpool. They smell funny and they're strangely overgrown, and once I saw a frog. And the place is full of people who stand at their gates in dressing gowns, surrounded by cats, drooling and carefully polishing the barrels of their Remingtons.
"We don't think they're used to strangers. What would happen if we were to break down there I don't like to think."
Others have speculated that Dalek Snowdon's roadwork plan may hide more sinister motives.
Webmaster, author and noted conspiracy theorist Oswald Probably suggested that the work may be a front to hide the building of a secret bunker under the pedestrian crossing on Ocean View Road, a handy spot from which to command plans of global domination, keep a benevolent and kindly guiding eye on the local media and pop out to Schooner for coffee now and then.
While village lunatic Somewhat Hatted says that it is all part of an elaborate revenge plan.
"Snowdon discovered that a certain resident of Blackpool, who wishes to remain anonymous, is in possession of a pair of pewter Dalek salt and pepper shakers. This of course is very offensive to Mr Snowdon's culture. Local bylaws forbid Mr Snowdon from simply exterminating the offender, so instead he has taken extraordinary steps to ensure that all island traffic from 6am is channelled straight past the bedroom of the resident in question, who is by his own admission "not a morning person."
Dalek Snowdon said that this was fib-mongering and trouble making of the worst kind.
"I only want what's best for the people of Waiheke. They'll all thank me for it. Eventually."
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