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Auckland Mayoralty candidate Dalek Snowdon was quick to point out today that the stripclub-visiting 'Mr Snowdon' named in the Herald's article yesterday was not him and is no relation to him. Allegations that Australian MP Kevin Rudd visited a strip club in New York have led to an outpouring of frankly silly confessions from politicians regarding their sexual behaviour or lack thereof.
Dalek Snowdon's Campaign Manager Dave Carrageenan fronted up to media this morning to put the candidate's position firmly on the record.
"Dalek Snowdon wishes to make it plain that he has never visited any place of so called 'Adult Entertainment' for any reason whatsoever." He said. "While it is certainly true that Dalek Snowdon was part of the invasion force that visited Hedonista XI, the infamous 'Rude Planet' in 1995, he was there to exterminate large numbers of the population and blow things up, not waste time ogling strippers." "In fact, Dalek Snowdon has never seen a naked lady at all. Even his own wife Jessica remains decently dressed in her battle armour at all times. Their two children, Jeremy and Amanda, were of course genetically engineered in the basement laboratory of the Snowdon's Church Bay home, as is proper."
Faced with accusations of "Ha ha! Virgin!!!", Carrageenan once more set the record straight.
"We see the advantage of having political candidates that have no genitals, plus all the tricky urges that ownership of such items entails. OK, Auckland got lucky with Dick Hubbard, but that was a one off. But if we want to get serious about electing a Mayor who will loot, pillage, steal, extort, tell fibs and destroy things properly without getting distracted by stuff that goes wobble, then we need to elect Dalek Snowdon." |
